Dealing with people successfully is still on my priority list, so here I am with the second part packed with Dale Carnegie’s timeless wisdom from the book How to Win Friends and Influence People.
I know that using all these 12 tips seems like a daunting task- so start small. Pick the one that’s easiest for you and work your way up. One step at a time.
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
Now Dale Carnegie does not want you to label all your hard-earned achievements with someone else’s name. No, nothing of that sort.
It is often difficult to make people do what you want them to do. Humans in general do not like to be told what to do. We want to be in control. We like to feel that yes, we are the one in power. Many a times, we have a strong urge to do the exact opposite of we are pestered to do. It’s just human nature.
To tackle this issue the author suggests that we let the other person feel that the idea is their own, that they made the decision to take this particular action.For example, I want my brother to help me with the chores.
I say- ” Help me do the chores”. Most probably he won’t.
But if I say, “Hey buddy, would you please help me do the chores?”
There are chances that he will consider helping me because this time I allow him to make the decision. He can help if he wants to and he can refuse if he doesn’t; he’s the one in power here. Just like my brother- everyone loves to feel like the one in charge of their decision. Fuel that feeling.
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8. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
This might seem like a clinche advice. But it is often easier said than done. While moving on with our day to day lives we often develop a limited point of view that concerns only us.
This really does not help while dealing with people. Every one thinks differently. Their motivations are varied. If you want to win them to your way of thinking you have to understand them. What are their dreams? What motivates them? What is the reasoning behind their actions?
Let’s say you hate your son’s long hairs. You ordered him to cut them off. You warned him in your strictest tone. You begged him to get a hair cut. But he won’t budge.
You feel hopeless.
Instead of going through this vicious struggle- try to gather why he likes keeping his hairs long. Maybe he thinks it’s the in-thing and he wants to keep up with the current trends. Perhaps it’s because all his friends have long hairs and he doesn’t want to feel left out. Get to know his reasons and let him know yours. If you take a step ahead, he’ll take the other one and you can both find a common ground.
Looking at things from the other person’s point of view often gives our perspective a new sense of clarity and understandings.
9. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
It so often happens in life that what we want is in direct conflict with the other person’s ideas and desires. During times like this we have to understand and be sympathetic with them. Let them know that what you are asking them is to do is a difficult task because it means that they have to sacrifice a few of the things which are important to them. Suppose you have two daughters and the elder one won’t share her toys with the younger one, instead of scolding her or telling her that she is being selfish- you tell her that you know how important the toys are to her and parting with them breaks her heart…but sharing is really important and you would be really grateful if she shares them with her sister. Go ahead. Try it.
Humans are a paradox like that- we are selfish at the core but we will make any number of so called ‘sacrifices’ to keep our loved ones happy.
10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
Appeal to their nobler motives. Show them the big picture- why doing that certain thing will make them a better person. People do tremendous things to be the hero in their loved ones eyes. They do things to validate their self. Use it to your advantage. Show people how it makes them a better father, a better student….a better human being. We all want to do good- it’s our core characteristic.
11. Dramatize your ideas
People who are able to convince a lot of people to their way of thinking are the ones who dramatize their ideas. We are like little kids at times. We are influenced by the anything that is dramatically presented to you. You see it all the time. The particular cream will skyrocket your career-you buy it. Removes all the stains instantly-you buy it.
So dramatize your ideas. Present them in an innovative bold way. Capture people’s attention. Win them over.
12. Throw down a challenge.
Throwing down challenges to inspire people to take actions works wonders. People love outperforming expectations. They like to prove that they are smarter and better. Use this to increase productivity. Challenge people to grow beyond there current limits.
But while setting up people for challenges, ensure that a healthy competitive spirit is maintained. Many a times, enmity is developed due to undue challenges thrown between groups. Promote healthy challenges.
I hope these points help.