For a major part of our day, we are surrounded by various people. They may be our family members, our classmates, our friends, our colleagues. We may try to avoid human company for as long as possible. But there comes a day when there is no other option left. Only thing that could be done is that we need to go out and talk to people, have conversations with them and build a good harmony with them.
Because let’s get real, if a few people don’t like you, it’s okay. But what if nobody likes you? Nobody wants to talk to you? Nobody wants to spend time with you? No family? No friends? Well, now I know that sounds scary, so in order to avoid being universally disliked, here are a few tips on how to make people like you. It’s from the book How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie. So here we go-
6 WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU
1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
If I could take only one thing from this book, it would be this-
You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.
This advice is pure gold. If you want to get people interested in you, first you have to take an active interest in the other person. It applies for everybody. You can use this principle for making new friends and also for bridging the gap that might have formed in your old relationships. Ask questions. Learn about their likes and dislikes. Keep yourself updated about the ups and downs of their lives. Discuss their work. Ask your brother about his school work. Talk to your mom about the wedding she is planning to attend. Or ask that girl in your class about her favourite books. Show sincere interest- everyone loves it.
I would like to make a tiny suggestion though- do not overdo it ever. There is nothing as repelling as a nosy person. You don’t want people to run at their heels when they see you.
Smile. Because it’s wonderful, easy and free! I mean, isn’t it amazing? You might be having an awful day-let’s say you are late on a Monday morning. You are irritated, sleep-deprived and generally sick of your life. You gaze around randomly, and then you see it
(Photo by Jose Ibarra https://unsplash.com/@hozae)
a happy face beaming with a warm smile! And in the moment- the world seems beautiful. It really does.
Therefore now make it a habit to look people in their eyes and smile. Smile that real genuine happy smile. It will make you feel wonderful. It will make you more likeable. Also smiling faces are perceived to be happier,healthier and more put together! And really, don’t you want to be all that? So smile! Be a warm ray of sunshine in the middle of gray gloomy clouds.
Because of your smile, you make life more beautiful.
-Thich Nhat Hanh
3. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and the most important sound in any language.
Well. This is why personalized things are on a trend. We love our names and pictures on our key chains, mugs, frames and all those wonderful things I have never come across. People pay huge amounts of money to get a building named after them. People love their names.
It is true for me as well. When people use my name- I feel happy. Even when I get an email saying – Hey Pallavi! in my head I go Wow they used my name!( Trust me on this, you might say you don’t love your name but deep down you do it. For instance, I sometimes think my name is old-fashioned and boring. But when anyone repeatedly misspells it- I go full hunger games on them.)
So when you talk to people, use their names. Don’t say hi. Personalize it. Say “Hi Ram!” Type text messages with names. Use names in the emails. Remember- people want to be cherished for who they they are. Using their name is a simple way to do so. So cherish people’s individuality. Use their names.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
Be a good listener. When people say something, give them attention. Show that you are listening. Encourage others to go on with their story. Many a times, we talk a lot, but we don’t listen. We don’t stop to get the other person’s opinion. It may make you happy for a well, but people will avoid you if you keep constantly talking only about yourself. Be all ears for what the other person has to say. Don’t cut down their story, or interrupt them. Such a behaviour dampens the other person’s spirit.
Instead, it would be good if you could encourage the other person to talk about themselves. Let them know that you are interested in what they have to say. Be eager to listen. Ask questions. Let them know that you value their opinions. Get them talking to you. People are surely going to love you for listening to them. A good listener is a rare thing today- be the rare.
One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.
-Bryant H. McGill
5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interest.
When you talk to people, talk about things that would interest them. Do some research. What would interest the other person? If you friend never reads, it is pointless talking to him about books. If your brother is still in primary school, talking to him about world politics is a bad idea.
Perhaps you like talking to people about things that they know nothing about, or of things which have no importance in their life. It may give you a sense of self-importance of knowing more than the other person.
But guess what, it is going to make you highly unpopular among others. They are going to avoid you and brand you as a show-off who is full of himself/herself. If you are trying to set up this kind of image: cool.
But if not, you better talk to people about what they want to talk about. It could be movies, food or travelling. Experiment. Ask questions. Go through their social media bios. Find out what interests them. And talk about it. Everyone likes to feel included. So say things that people could relate to, build a bridge, not walls.
6. Make the other person feel important- and do it sincerely.
Now the thing is how to make people feel important? There are many ways. But a simple one is to tell them what is good about them.
So next time when you meet your sister, tell her how much you like her dressing sense. Tell your mom she makes the best kheer in the world. Compliment your brother about his good business sense. You get the drift, don’t you?
I guess this is the reason we are so addicted to social media. The likes and comments serve as a self-esteem boost. It makes us feel special and important.
Validate. Let them know what is wonderful about them. Write fan mails to your favourite people. Leave a note for your family members reminding them how wonderful they are. Look into people’s eyes, smile and let them know how wonderful they are.
Talk to people about themselves, and they will listen for hours.
Here is the link of a wonderful video I watched showing the power of validation. It was such an eye-opener for me. Do watch if you want to know more about making people feel important.
You might also enjoy this post about dealing with people.
There then, this is all for today. I hope you will find these principles useful. Let me know in the comments which one do you like most or simply share your opinion about this post.I would love to know your views! Adios till then! Happy reading!