People skills are among my most favourite skills. There are some super humans out there who can talk to almost everybody and anybody.They can have long conversations with ease and comfort.They are so good at dealing with people that others are eager to talk to them. People are eager to work with them.
Whenever I come across such people I wonder- How is this even possible? What kind of power or magic this is?
When in doubt go to the library.
Hence I picked the book – How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.The book has some wonderful tips to improve people skills. So here I am sharing a few of them with you.
FUNDAMENTAL TECHNIQUES IN HANDLING PEOPLE
1. Don’t Criticize, Condemn or Complain.
This principle seems to have come straight from the Bible. The author explains that humans absolutely hate being criticized. Condemning them brings out the worst of their behavior to surface. And complaining about them is rarely going to be met with positive response. Hence we must refrain from doing any such thing. Many a times we create a negative impression of ourselves simply because we try to improve something about the other person by complaining about it.
Also there is nothing wrong with not liking someone’s haircut or the way they cook. We are all entitled to have an opinion. But saying it aloud to their face could put your relationships in danger. Of course there is a thing called constructive criticism but do so only if you are specifically asked for it or if you are sure that the other person would take it in good spirits.When in doubt, be smart. Choose silence.
2. Give honest and Sincere Appreciation.
Tell me honestly, don’t you love it when people appreciate you? I do. Whenever someone takes time to read my post and comment, I feel delighted. I feel appreciated for the efforts I put into writing and it motivates me to write more & be more useful.
So now when you meet people anywhere – appreciate them. Give compliments. Let them know how much they mean to you. Tell them about what you like about them. I am sure you will leave them smiling from ear to ear.
But remember to be honest and sincere. People can easily tell when you are being fake. False praise and flattery will get you nowhere. Flattery,in my opinion, is akin to insulting the other person. It indicates that you find nothing praise-worthy in the other person. It says that the other person doesn’t meet up your expectations,that they aren’t enough. Nobody likes to feel that they aren’t enough.
…express your appreciation, sincerely and without the expectation of anything in return. Truly appreciate those around you, and you’ll soon find many others around you.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.
This principle says that when you want something to be done, ask yourself- How can I make this person want to do it? It could be anyone -your brother, your husband or your boss. It could also be a client at work or a member of your book-club. Whenever you want something done- talk in the terms of the other person’s interest.
Think.Why would your brother wash your car? Why would your client buy your product? What do you have to offer? If you want something to be done-think in terms of give-&-take. What could you offer the other person? What benefits does the other person get? Nobody likes to be used. So always think in the terms of the other persons benefits. It should be win-win deal for both of you.
These were the three fundamental principles in dealing with people. Do try them & tell me if you find them useful. Also you could read the complete book, it is such a gem!
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I hope you find these points useful. Happy reading!