(Photo by Ivan Karasev)
The best way out is always through.
A month ago I had a tiny little incident with my blog. It was hacked and I was bullied. By God’s grace the matter got sorted quickly. No hard feelings, and peace to one and all.
It left me shaken as I am a nobody in this amazing internet world and I never thought this would happen to me, not even in my scariest dreams. After a while I assumed my life would go back to as it was. I had a couple of drafts lined up. But now they didn’t seem good enough. I kept on rewriting them, editing them and then deleting them completely to start all over again. It became a vicious cycle. I never got to publishing anything. I procrastinated as long as I could. There were times when right before I was about to hit the publish button those hurting words would come back ringing in my mind. I would be back to square one. It was a hopeless situation.It continued for a whole month.
Today I have been struggling since morning, editing and polishing a post. And at a point I was so done with this whole thing that I decided to give up. I know it sounds dramatic but that’s what I do when things get hard. I run away.
The fears we don’t face become our limits.
I gave up swimming because I couldn’t get it right the first time. I never learned cycling because I fell down a couple of times. I have a hard time maintaining friendships due to past hurts. I am a scared chicken who is afraid of being hurt. I console myself by saying that it is an act of self-preservation.
And people do it all the time. Some people are afraid of emotional intimacy due to past hurts. Some drop the subjects which give them trouble. Some people carry mental baggages all their lives.
I was resigned to being one of them when I had a thought…what the hell!? Will I let someone’s frustration decide the fate of my life’s most important goal? Hell no.
So I just came to terms with the fact that people get bullied all the time. We all fail. We all have break-ups. We all have scars on our souls from being hurt in one way or other. But we can’t stop living and existing in constant fear of things isn’t living. So here I am- with countless failures, dozen issues, and burning scars on my soul. I am just like all of you. Because aren’t you afraid of getting bullied? Is there nothing you gave up because you failed once? Does past hurt never make you go in defensive mode?
If yes, I want to tell you that it is okay to be scared. It is alright to feel the way you are feeling…but you know what’s not okay? It is letting that fear dictate our life choices. I have been doing it whole my life. It is one of the most unproductive things I done in my life.
So I made a list of things I run away from and I am going to take it down by the horns. And of course I am realistic, some things will always hurt. Some scars will always pain. But I want to conquer my inner demons, at least face them- because the first person to win over to our way of thinking- is our own fragile self.
I don’t know if this is helpful or relatable. But if you got any fears to share, any demons to conquer, please share in the comments below. We are in this together.
Adios then! Happy reading!
Sometimes what you are most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free.