Life isn’t always pink and pretty. Sometimes it gets dark and tiring. And we start to feel that there is no way out. Just like life, communication with people also doesn’t always run smooth. There are arguments, understanding issues and many other hurdles on the way.
While such hurdles cannot be totally avoided, we can still try to make communication smooth and pleasing for us and everyone around us.
Here are a few tips from How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie to win people to your way of thinking.
1. The only way to avoid an argument is to avoid it.
Everyday we come across a lot of people. We discuss different things. Sometimes we agree, sometimes we don’t. At times our discussions turn into heated arguments. If this is an occasional thing, it’s cool. But if you have developed a strange itch to argue with every second person you meet, you better watch out.
You must have watched the debates held on our news channels. Everybody there comes with a sole aim-to prove everyone else wrong, at any cost.These debates may give entertainment value…but tell me, would you like such people if you meet them every day?
Of course not! Nobody likes to be constantly belittled. Maybe you find someone’s opinion wrong, and your intentions are saint-like but humans just hate being corrected!
I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught.
So if it is not a matter of life and death, refrain from arguing. There are other ways to educate. So keep calm, avoid unnecessary arguments and win people.
2.Show respect for the person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong”.
let’s say that you are in a social gathering and one of your friend makes a factual error and you correct him immediately. Perhaps you feel like a winner . But the other person is going to feel insulted and embarrassed. And next time they see you-their brain will associate you with the feelings of insult and embarassment. And who likes to feel such things? No one. So now they will avoid you.
So if it is not important, let the other person save face. Today, with one click we can verify any fact we want to. Let Google keep the facts. You focus on being in people’s good books.
Also when it comes to beliefs and opinions; just because a person has a different opinion, don’t assume that she/he is wrong. Be open about opinions. Maintain harmony with people.
3.If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
Even the best people make mistakes. And few people like me make big or small mistakes on a day to day basis. Now we have already been advised not to argue or make people feel wrong.
But what if someone finds us wrong?What if someone corrected us? We won’t appreciate it as well. But the ideal approach is to admit our mistakes. Accept that yes, I may be wrong or my information may be incorrect.
And then move on. Don’t keep on dwelling on the fact that someone found you wrong. Such small issues aren’t worth the stress.
4. Begin in a friendly way.
There are certain topics which are destined to create arguments. We can just sense it coming. In such scenarios we can best hope to minimize the damage. But the question is how?
By a friendly approach. Start the conversation as pleasantly as you can. Don’t accuse or complain. Let the other person feel that what you are saying is for mutual benefits. Let them know that you are in their team. And then state your points as tactfully as you can.
The amazing thing about this approach is that even if your friend may not agree with what you say ,it won’t make your relationship sour. Whatever happens,you still will be friends.
5. Get the other person saying “yes” “yes” immediately.
Is there someone with whom your relationship has gone cold?
Does that person fail to see things from your point of you?
Have you tried everything you could,and yet things aren’t getting any better?
Do you want to the old warmth and understanding back?
Then there is a golden tip to make it happen.
And that is by getting the other person saying “Yes” immediately.
Start with stuffs that you both agree upon. Get them say yes to your suggestions. And keep on moving on a same page with them. This will ensure that they are at a ease with you and they will be more likely to see things from your point of view.
This method will also wire their brain to be inclined to agree with you and they will be more receptive and open with you. So collect affirmatives.
6. Let the other person do a lot of talking.
It often happens that we try everything to make the other person think from our point of view. And when they don’t, we feel dejected. At times like these,let the other person talk. Listen to what they have to say. Look at things from their perspective.
Now I am not saying say nothing at all. Strike a balance between talking and listening.
If you are someone who rarely talks -by all means open up. Open and direct communication aids healthy relationships.
That’s all for the day! I hope these tips help you keep your communication clear, and your loved ones happy!